Abby

I have blogged about my friend Pam, who died 4 years ago, and that recently her oldest daughter Ashley died at age 22.

One thing Pam asked me to do before she died was to keep in touch with her five children. I told her I would try, but I must confess, I haven’t tried very hard. I have made some attempts with her older 3 (who are from a different marriage), but haven’t tried to contact her widowed husband and his 2 kids at all, until I recently found him on Facebook. My not contacting him wasn’t for lack of wanting to; I got engaged right after Pam died and so was planning a wedding and then a newlywed, plus it was kind of awkward for me, a fairly shy person, to call him.

Ashley’s death touched us all and made me realize that I had missed an opportunity that would never come again. A few days later Kerry, Pam’s husband, started developing symptoms that the doctors have tentatively diagnosed as MS. He is still single with an 8-year old and a 9-year old to raise.

This finally prompted me to ask if I could help with the kids. A friend of his saw my message and e-mailed me. In the end we decided we would all meet for breakfast at Cracker Barrel on Saturday morning.

I think Kerry has done a remarkably good job raising the kids, but Abby, his daughter, who is a very active 8-year old, is wearing him out right now, especially in light of his current health problems. I asked Kerry what I could do to help, and he said anytime I wanted to take Abby off his hands for a little while, that would be great.

So I took her for the day on Saturday. And what a day it was. She hasn’t seen me since she was 4 and didn’t remember me at all, but she had no problem warming up to me. Her personality is so much like Pam’s, it was almost eerie. I’m sure if you have ever lost someone close to you, you may have wished that you could just have one more day with them. I almost felt like that was happening.

But Abby isn’t Pam; she is her own self, and we really enjoyed our day together. Don gave her a drum lesson, and we drew pictures (which she is really good at!), made some beaded jewelry, went for a walk in the park, and just hung out. I didn’t push her to talk about her mom too much, but we did talk about her a little, and about Ashley. On Sunday she called me and asked me if she could come over again. I told her not then, but we would do it again soon.

I really hope I can stay involved in Abby’s life (and her brother’s, if he wants me to). I think it would be good for her, for Kerry and for me, and I believe that Pam is in heaven, joyful that we’ve finally gotten together.

Red Envelope Day

Here’s a way you can make your voice heard if you, like me, think abortion is a heinous crime and needs to be stopped.

On March 31, 2009, millions of people across the country are going to send red envelopes to Barack Obama in protest of abortion. If you want to be a part of it, here’s what you do:

Get a red envelope. (I’ve had trouble finding them, but I am told you can buy them at Kinkos or party supply stores.)

On the front, address it to:

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington , D.C. 20500

On the back, write the following message:

This envelope represents one child who died because of an abortion. It is empty because the life that was taken is now unable to be a part of our world.

Mail it on March 31, 2009.

For more information, go to http://www.redenvelopeday.com.

A Day in the Country

I blogged a couple of weeks ago about Don and me trying to find an old family cemetery in nearby Wilson County, Tennessee, where some of my ancestors are buried and being unsuccessful. Well, in the meantime, I did a little more research and got some more information. Yesterday I went back over there with my brother and his family, and we found it! These are the graves of my great-great grandmother and her parents. Needless to say, we had to traipse through a lot of brush (including thorny bushes) to find them.
Things are so different in the country. We went to the door of the lady whose property the cemetery was on to ask for permission to check it out. She opened to the door without suspicion. We told her what we wanted to do, and she told us to go right ahead, giving us as much information as she could. Then she sent her two preschoolers out to play in the back yard unsupervised while we were there.
-
I’ve lived my whole life in the city, and this is just a totally different mindset. Actually, it is more like the way life was when I was growing up. Nashville was a smaller town, but the world was just different then. It made me feel good that maybe it is still that way out in the country.

After we found the graves, we rode around a little more and spotted some animals. The kids (and adults) loved these baby goats and guineas.

I have been told that my great-great grandfather was a Presbyterian pastor and have been trying to find out more about that. I would love to know more about my spiritual heritage as well as my genetic one. We found this Presbyterian church near the area where he lived, which was built in 1801. I have e-mailed them to see if he was ever a pastor there.
We looked for one more cemetery that has some of our other ancestors buried in it. Apparently my great-great grandfather remarried after his wife died and is buried with his second wife. The information I had on that one was sketchy, and we were unable to find it, but all in all, I’d say it was a really fun day.

Gardening Time

One of my favorite things about Spring and Summer is gardening. I have an herb garden (back right), strawberries (back left) and vegetable garden (front). I am debating about plowing up a fourth square for more vegetables. It is a LOT of work, but it would give us a lot more space. It is so exciting to be able to go out to the garden to pick dinner, and we tend to eat much healthier when it’s out there. I have a compost pile which I use for fertilizer.
It doesn’t look like much now, but I’m hoping in a few weeks, it will. I planted a few of the more cold-hardy vegetables yesterday: radishes, green onions, cabbage, lettuce and spinach. I’m starting to see some new growth in some of my perennials like my strawberries and mint (below). The mint is in a container because it would take over the garden if it wasn’t.
Last year our prize crops were strawberries and green beans. I’m planning to plant 2 kinds of green beans this year. I have some asparagus, which is a perennial that I planted last year. I’m also planting tomatoes, peppers and carrots, plus a few more if I decide to plow the other section. I have lots of herbs, including rosemary, thyme, parsley, oregano, sage, chives, and my annuals are basil, dill and cilantro. Hopefully we’ll have lots of rain this summer. My garden always does much better when we do. I’ll keep you posted (but try not to bore you) with its progress!

Spring!

Well, Spring is officially here, definitely my favorite season, and it is just showing off everywhere. I took a few pictures this morning in my own yard and my neighbor's yards. There is just so much beauty to behold. I'm sure you have similar scenes in your yard, but I still wanted to share some of mine. It seems like the first colors of spring, besides green, are usually purple and yellow, but now I am starting to see some pinks, whites and other colors.

My neighbor Wanda's daffodils.



My neighbor Corky's henbits (I know these are technically weeds, but I think they look pretty when a whole yard is full of them.)

Also in Corky's yard: I don't know what kind of bush this is, but it sure is pretty.


My first tulip that is just about to open.









A robin gathering twigs for her nest (or maybe it's a he; I'm not sure).






I spotted the first violets of the season yesterday. I love their delicate beauty.

Nation 2 Nation

My pastor, Mike Graham, after two recent mission trips to India, has developed a heart for evangelism there and in Sri Lanka. He doesn’t feel led to go there himself on a long-term basis right now, but to support and teach ministers who are already there.

Our church is small, and many of us are feeling the crunch of the financial crisis, so knowing we really couldn’t make a substantial financial contribution right now, he joined together with other Presbyterian pastors in the Nashville area and came up with an idea. Most of us have a lot of things laying around our house that we don’t use, so why not sell them and use the money to help reach those who have never heard the gospel?

Thus began Nation 2 Nation. Someone in our church is now working through e-bay (link directly to our page) and Amazon to sell the items people donate, and the proceeds go to this ministry. She is also keeping a blog (which I designed) to keep us updated on what is going on with this new project. I have added the link to this blog to my blog list at the bottom right side of my page, and it also includes a link to the e-bay page. She hasn’t had too many visitors yet, so I’m trying to help drum up some support. Please check out either of both of these links to find out more about what it’s all about! If you wish to donate anything to sell on e-bay, or if you purchase any of the items we are selling, the proceeds will go directly to this ministry.

The Advantages of Being Sick

I woke up yesterday morning under the weather, not feeling well, okay, let’s face it, SICK. I felt horrible. I think I have gotten what Don has had for at least 2 weeks. I don’t know why I didn’t get it before now, and it’s not encouraging that he is still feeling bad more than 2 weeks later.

I had to miss church, which was a bummer. And we were going to play one of my favorite hymns, "Victory in Jesus," too.

But enough whining.

There are advantages of being sick. For example, both of my dogs took care of me. Dogs seem to have a sense about things like that, and they both stayed by my side all day long, being very sweet.

Don was nice to me too. Not that he isn’t usually, but when we first got married, he didn’t have much compassion for me when I was sick. One Sunday morning I woke up so sick I could hardly walk, and he said, "We’ll get you a barf bag to take to church." Needless to say, that didn’t go over too well with me. I don’t expect to be babied, but a little sympathy would be nice. Well, over the 3½ years we’ve been married, I’ve been working on him, like taking care of him when he is sick. He’s slowly learning.

Being sick also reminds me that I am basically fairly healthy and feel pretty good most of the time, but rarely take the time to be thankful for it, until it gets taken away from me for a few days.

Probably the biggest advantage of being sick is Thera-Flu. Now, I don’t take drugs very often, but when I’m sick and I can’t sleep, that is a very miserable thing. A few years ago a friend introduced me to Thera-Flu. You pour a powder into hot water and drink it. Within a half an hour you’re in la-la land. I only take it at night unless things are really bad, but if you ever take this during the day, plan on being out of commission for at least the next 3-4 hours.

Anyway, I feel a little better today, though still not up to par. I have a fairly busy workday, so I’m trying to get myself psyched for it. I have a weird schedule, so my plan is to go out and work a while this morning, come home and take a nap if needed, and then one more group late this afternoon. Hopefully I’ll survive.

A Good Belly-Laugh

It’s been a hard week for a variety of reasons. Things have been very serious around our house.

When Don gets home from work, our routine is to all pile on the bed (the dogs included) and talk about our day. Yesterday we were still lamenting all that has happened this week, some of which I have blogged about.

Our dog Nash likes to stand on Don (back paws on the bed, front paws on Don’s chest). I call it his "king of the mountain" pose. Last night he was standing in that position, and he suddenly leaned down right into Don’s face and coughed. Not just a light cough, but a big, juicy one! It was disgusting, but somehow Don saw the humor in it, and we both started laughing hysterically. Then Nash, wanting to join in the fun, started chewing on Don’s beard. He keeps his beard short, so this is also a pretty funny thing to watch. We both laughed and laughed. Nash was enjoying entertaining us, and even Dasha, who hasn’t been feeling well, livened up and joined in the fun.

I think we’re all feeling better now. Sometimes we just need a good belly-laugh. And I'm thankful for Nash, who provides us with them regularly.

Ashley

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. I Thessalonians 4:13-14

-

It will be four years this month since my friend Pam died. In some ways I have accepted it and moved on with my life, and in other ways I am still grieving.
-
I found out this week that Pam’s 22-year-old daughter, Ashley, died suddenly on Friday night. The autopsy revealed she had a tumor on her pituitary gland which showed no symptoms until it cut off the oxygen supply to her brain and killed her.
-

This brought a whole new flood of thoughts and emotions for me. Why, God? Why would you put Ashley on this earth for such a short time?
-

God’s answer came to me clearly. He put Ashley here for many reasons, but one of them was to teach me. A lot. Like how to love people who are different from me. You see, not only was Ashley bi-racial; she also had brain damage from birth. But I loved her. And it was really my first experience loving someone like her in the way that I did. Before she was born, Pam asked me to be her godmother, which I was excited and honored to do.
-

Ashley also taught me not to give up on people. Even if she had lived, she would probably never have been able to care for herself completely. But she learned to do a lot of things. She taught me patience as I tried to teach her to read a number of years ago. We made progress, but it was slow and didn’t go as I expected. She just didn’t learn like other kids. But she did learn, and the best thing I could do for her was to believe in her. It was a tendency for me and for others to feel sorry for her because of her disabilities, but I don’t believe she ever felt sorry for herself.
-

Ashley had a simple faith in God that should be an example for all of us. She just believed. She didn’t doubt. She knew the things she had been taught about Him were real.
-

The last time I saw Ashley was at Pam’s funeral. I was bawling my eyes out and made a point to hug each of Pam’s 3 older children (Ashley and her two brothers), knowing that they were going to have to go live in Georgia with their dad and I wouldn’t be seeing them much anymore. Ashley, in an effort to console me even in her own grief, said, "We love you, Jill." Little did I know that would be the last time I would ever see her face-to-face.
-

I do have this consolation: I know Ashley and Pam are having a joyful reunion in heaven. Ashley is healthy and whole and now understands far more than I ever will, at least during this life. Now I have one more reason to look forward to heaven.

Concert Night

The community band had our concert last night, and I think it went pretty well.

I had a rather stressful afternoon. I got home and my dog had been sick all over the house. I had to clean that up and take her to the vet. (Enough said, except please pray for Dasha -- I think she's on the road to recovery but I'm still a little concerned about her.) Then my dad called me when it was time to go and said he had had a car wreck on the way to my house. Thankfully he didn't get hurt. His car is pretty beat up, but it wasn't his fault, and hopefully he'll be able to get it fixed without any problem.

Needless to say, all of that added a little stress to my evening. I almost decided not to go, but in the end I went ahead. I played okay, though not as well as I was capable of playing. Fortunately with a band, one bad player doesn't ruin it all, so it wasn't a disaster.

I was very thankful for all my friends and family who came out to see me play (including my dad, who did actually make it there on time).

-

We'll be taking a week off, then starting over with all new music (just when I had finally mostly learned the old music -- oh well!). This band has been challenging for me, but a good experience, and I think my flute-playing skills have really improved through being in it.

A Gorgeous Saturday

Today was a perfect day, weatherwise. Spring is in the air.
-

I have been on a genealogy kick and recently found some information on where my great, great and great, great, great grandparents are buried out in the country in Wilson County, Tennessee, about an hour from where we live, so I talked Don into taking me out there. We decided to make a day of it and took the dogs with us. Unfortunately, the directions didn’t pinpoint the exact spot of the cemetery, so we weren’t able to find it, which I knew would be a possibility.

-

On the way back we stopped at Cedars of Lebanon. It’s a nice state park not far from us with lots of amenities. We went for a hike on a trail there and enjoyed the beautiful day. The dogs, who are much in need of haircuts (I’m trying to wait until the weather gets warm to stay), came back with their tongues hanging out, but they still enjoyed it.
-

Tonight we grilled out for dinner. We may even sleep with our windows open. I don’t want to waste one bit of this beautiful weather!

The Hope Chest

I finished this book, by Karen Schwabach, recently. It is written primarily for children or young teens, but I often read children’s books, particularly historical fiction, because they bring things down to my level.

I found this book interesting for several reasons. It was set in Nashville in August of 1920. The main character was a 12-year-old girl who came to Nashville to find her older sister who was there campaigning for women’s right to vote.

I had no recollection of learning this in history, but following the work of Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and others in the second half of the 19th Century, Congress proposed the Nineteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution on June 4, 1919, which would give women the right to vote. It had to be ratified by thirty-six of the then forty-eight states in order to become law. By the time this book was set, thirty-five states had approved it, and suffragists considered Tennessee to be their best shot for a thirty-sixth. A rally took place in Nashville where both suffragists and "antis" tried to persuade the state House and Senate to vote their way. The suffragists had an easy victory in the Senate, so it was up to the House. Everyone knew the vote would be close, and history tells us that it came down to a young House member named Harry Burn who was persuaded to vote in favor of suffrage by his widowed mother.

A few days later, the Amendment became a part of the U.S. Constitution.

The historical aspect of all of this was interesting to me because I had no idea it all took place in my own hometown. The book helped me see "feminists" in a slightly different light. I would certainly not consider myself to be one, but those women who worked so hard to get this right that I take for granted were considered feminists in their own time. I was also surprised by how poorly black people were treated during this era.

The more I study history, the more I realize how many things we take for granted that our predecessors had to fight for. It makes me wonder what the history books will say about our generation. The changes that are taking place in our country seem negative to me right now, but I can only hope and pray that we are just going through "growing pains," and that those who come after us will somehow be positively impacted by it all.

A Tale of Two Friendships

This weekend I was blessed to have visits with two "old" friends.

I moved to a new school when I was in fourth grade. I was a shy kid anyway, so the first day was especially hard. Callie came up to me and made me feel welcome, and a new friendship began. We were "best" friends for several years, but life happened; we went to different schools and eventually lost touch. It was about thirty years ago when we last saw each other and probably about twenty since we have been in touch at all.

I have thought of her often through the years and wondered what she was up to. A few months ago I decided to look her up on Facebook and found her. We corresponded via e-mail for a while and finally, last night, we met for dinner.

I was a little nervous. I didn’t know if we’d have much to talk about after all these years, but we seemed to pick right up where we left off. It turned out we still have a lot in common, but our differences were interesting as well. It was a very uplifting visit for both of us, I think, and we’re planning to do it again soon.

Susan is a friend I met in college. We have kept in touch through the years and have visited from time to time, though she is now living in Chicago. She was in town for the weekend and we were able to spend some time together. She is an excellent flute player, and we played duets of some hymns, which was a great joy for me. I sound so much better when she plays with me!

She spent the night with us and played flute with me again in church this morning. We went out to lunch (with Don) and had a nice time.

I’m so thankful God has blessed me (again) with these two friendships and with a wonderful weekend!