To My Baby in Heaven

They told me yesterday what I already knew
Though I had prayed it wasn’t true.
The ultrasound proved you were no longer there.
All I could do was sit and stare.

My mind began to wonder why –
Why did you live? And why did you die?
Why did God give you, then take you away?
Before you got to run and play?

I don’t even know if you were a boy or girl.
Would you have worn a baseball cap or had long golden curls?
Would you have liked singing or reading or sports?
Or studying science or building forts?

I wanted to hold you and be your mother,
To watch you play with your dad and your brother.
I wanted to love you and watch you grow.
There are so many things I’ll never know.

I won’t see you when you’re two or seven.
I’ll never hold you ‘til I’m in heaven.
I look forward to meeting you once I get there
Maybe then I’ll understand what now doesn’t seem fair.

Am I selfish to want you here with me?
To long for something that isn’t to be?
You were spared the trials and pain of life,
But I would rather be holding you tight.

I look out and see the daffodils bloom
And mourn that you are no more in my womb.
I have to believe that God knows best,
Though why this happened, I can only guess.

Sixteen Months Old

Wow -- how time flies! I've been nearly a month without blogging. Chasing a toddler keeps you busy!

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Not too much new to report for this month. Cooper is growing and changing every day, learning new things (and sometimes getting into trouble). We love him though, and we're learning to parent as we go, trusting God to teach us the right way to do it.

It's wintertime, and we've had our share of illnesses: stomach virus (Cooper and me) and now RSV and croup for Cooper. But this too shall pass. Spring is just around the corner. I'm looking forward to getting outside with him more so we can explore the world together, as I experience things anew through his eyes.

He is developing a love for animals (especially cats, it seems, much to Don's dismay). We have several books with animals in them that he carries around and looks at over and over, pointing out his favorites. He is learning to make some animal sounds too.

What a boy. What a joy. We are so thankful to be his parents.