To My Baby in Heaven

They told me yesterday what I already knew
Though I had prayed it wasn’t true.
The ultrasound proved you were no longer there.
All I could do was sit and stare.

My mind began to wonder why –
Why did you live? And why did you die?
Why did God give you, then take you away?
Before you got to run and play?

I don’t even know if you were a boy or girl.
Would you have worn a baseball cap or had long golden curls?
Would you have liked singing or reading or sports?
Or studying science or building forts?

I wanted to hold you and be your mother,
To watch you play with your dad and your brother.
I wanted to love you and watch you grow.
There are so many things I’ll never know.

I won’t see you when you’re two or seven.
I’ll never hold you ‘til I’m in heaven.
I look forward to meeting you once I get there
Maybe then I’ll understand what now doesn’t seem fair.

Am I selfish to want you here with me?
To long for something that isn’t to be?
You were spared the trials and pain of life,
But I would rather be holding you tight.

I look out and see the daffodils bloom
And mourn that you are no more in my womb.
I have to believe that God knows best,
Though why this happened, I can only guess.