Perfect Peace

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3

Satan is having a heyday with my mind. Between two pretty major traumas in recent weeks (Cooper's meningitis and losing Dasha so suddenly), I am having some serious anxiety. Add to this that Cooper is congested and often has difficulty breathing, which is what we took him to the emergency room for when he was diagnosed with meningitis, and I'm basically a basket case.

But God KEEPS giving me this verse. Everywhere I turn.

Perfect peace. What a wonderful concept. So what do I need to do to have perfect peace? Keep my mind stayed on God. What does that mean? Read scripture, pray, listen to praise music, focus on Him constantly, and there won't be room in my mind for these fearful, anxious thoughts.

The verse was read at church yesterday by a man who is dying of cancer. Wow -- he has perfect peace? Yes, he said he did. A lady came up to me afterward and told me how God keeps giving her this verse lately. (Sound familiar?) She also pointed out the last part to me: because he trusts in you.

Do I trust in God?

Sometimes I do, when my faith is strong. Other times, like now, it seems my faith is weak. How can I make it stronger again?

God has brought me through many things in the past. I can't deny that. They haven't always turned out like I hoped or thought they would, but His ways are higher than mine. He will bring me through this too.

I can't necessarily control the amount of faith I have at any given time, but I can work to keep my mind stayed on God. I can pray for strength and comfort. He will handle the rest.

A Time to Mourn

This past Wednesday marked the end of an era. My little dog Dasha left us.

The week started out pretty normal, other than the snow we had on Monday. Don and I took the dogs out, and Dasha romped and played and acted like a pup again. Later in the day Don kept Cooper while I took her for a walk, something else she loved doing. I noticed that she had developed a little infection, but it was something she had had before which was relatively minor. I called the vet to see if I could bring her in to have him take care of it, but he was closed because of the snow.

The next morning I called him again and took her in. He performed the routine procedure and gave her some antibiotics to kill the infection. Soon after we left, she began shaking and acting like she was in a great amount of pain. Back home she vomited several times, so I called the vet again. He said it was probably just stress, but to bring her back later in the day if it didn’t get any better. By that afternoon she was no better, so I took her back in after Don got home from work and was able to keep Cooper. The vet gave her some shots to help the infection, nausea and her pain, but that night she wouldn’t lay down and stood or paced around the house all night long.

Finally on Wednesday morning she wanted to get on the bed, so I lifted her up there. She lay down and barely moved for several hours, moaning pitifully when she did. I wanted to take her back to the vet, but it had snowed again, the roads were covered and I wasn’t anxious to get out in it, especially with Cooper. Finally, I knew she would need to go to the bathroom, so I picked her up and carried her downstairs. When I tried to set her down on the floor, she couldn’t even stand. I got really scared at this point and asked a neighbor to care for Cooper for me and rushed Dasha to the vet. By the time we got there, the vet said she was in shock and said he believed the infection had somehow spread throughout her body, which he had never seen happen before. He said he would try to treat her but didn’t offer me much hope. I had no real choice but to leave her with him, since I had to get back to Cooper. I got to love on her a bit and say something of a quick goodbye, knowing I may not see her again, but time was of the essence in getting her treatment started.

When I got home the vet called and told me that she had died just a few minutes after I left. I was not surprised, but I was heartbroken.

I could blame myself, the snow, the vet or any number of things, but in the days since this happened I have thought about the sovereignty of God. I believe her time was simply up. She had finished the job she came to do. I have recorded the story of how Dasha came to me here. I think God gave her to me as a gift to walk with me, to be my companion through what could have been a very lonely time in my life. And she did it well. Even after Don and I were married, there was still the sad emptiness of childlessness for several years, and Dasha, and later Nash, helped fill that void.

But now we have a child. And I am no longer lonely. Oh, I am sad – I miss that little dog desperately, but I have been able to see how God was merciful in the timing of her death. We had a fun day together on Monday. She only suffered for one day. I had feared as she aged that I would someday have to make a decision to have her put to sleep, and thankfully, I didn’t have to make that decision. She was growing increasingly incontinent and was difficult for me to care for with a baby too. I’m thankful God waited until I had Cooper to focus on, but it didn’t happen in the crazy early days when we first brought him home or when he was sick in the hospital.

I’ve been reminded of a quote I’ve heard before: “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.” I can’t say I’ve adhered to this over the last few days; I’ve shed many tears as I mourn her loss, but I think as time goes on the pain will diminish, and the joy of my memories of the nearly thirteen years I had with her will outweigh the sadness. God was good to give her to me, and I will always be thankful for the time that she was a part of my life.

First Christmas

Cooper's first Christmas was memorable in so many ways. Having him here made Christmas much more meaningful, and especially after the meningitis incident.

We went to the Christmas eve service at church. It was so good to be there, especially since I hadn't been able to go to church in nearly a month. Then God blessed us with a white Christmas, almost unheard of in Nashville, but the snow only covered the grass and trees; the roads were clear, and we were able to go to my brother's house to celebrate with my family. It was a nice holiday for all of us, I think, and the memories will be happy ones to tell Cooper about when he is older.

Cooper Update

Thanks so much, those of you who have been praying for Cooper. He is doing much better, and we should get to go home late Sunday or early Monday. Meningitis has to be treated with antibiotics intraveneously for 2 weeks, so that's why we have had to stay so long. He's been feeling pretty good since the second or third day we were here.

Don and I are hanging in there too. He had to go back to work this week, so with that, in addition to taking care of the dogs and coming to visit us, he is getting pretty worn out, but today should be his last day of doing all that. I have had friends come to stay with Cooper four days this week so I could get out for a bit and go home and see the dogs. Also, when Cooper is not hooked up to an IV, we're free to take him out of the room, so we have been strolling him around, outside when the weather permits, or inside the hospital, so I haven't gone completely stir-crazy.

Cooper doesn't seem at all bothered by all of this. He's been here nearly 1/4 of his life -- I'm not sure he even remembers home. We're thankful, though, for the medicine to cure this illness that could have been very serious, for medical insurance, for a nice hospital facility with great staff, for all of the friends and family who have prayed for us and supported us in countless ways, and most of all, that our baby's health has been restored.

Pray for Cooper

Cooper is in the hospital and has been diagnosed with bacterial meningitis. This can be very serious, but we caught it early, and his prognosis is good. Still, we need lots of prayer for our little guy. It's so hard to see him going through all this, and we will probably have to be here at least 2 weeks. Don and I need prayer too, for strength to get through this: the emotional aspect of it, the exhaustion, and with at least one of us having to be with Cooper here at all times (I can't leave him for long since I'm nursing him), while dealing with the other necessary things in our lives: work, taking care of the dogs, etc. Thanks so much.

A Happy Thanksgiving

We had a family gathering at my brother's house yesterday to celebrate Thanksgiving. We had the usual turkey, dressing and more, of which I ate entirely too much (not making much progress toward getting those extra pregnancy pounds off!). The best part, though (in my opinion), was having Cooper there with us. Last Thanksgiving, I had no clue what this year would bring, and God surprised me in a wonderful way. As always, I am thankful for my family to gather with, but this year I was especially thankful for this unexpected blessing He has brought to us!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

One Month Old

Our baby Cooper is one month old now. He has filled our household with joy as we marvel at this blessing God has bestowed upon us. He has also kept us very busy as well as sleep-deprived.

He is a good baby. He has been to church 3 times, Bible study, and out to eat twice and has been perfect. Of course, I have to time it just right so that he has a full belly and sleeps in his carrier through these events, but he is still pretty low-maintenance as babies go.

My apologies to everyone whose blogs I haven't read or commented on in ages. I haven't forgotten about you; I am just spending FAR less time on the computer than I have in the past, for obvious reasons. I try to check my e-mail and Facebook a couple of times a day, but that's about all I have time for. Hopefully as we continue to get settled in I will get back to it, at least to some extent. I hope you're all doing well!