The Thorn in my Flesh

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." II Corinthians 12:7-9

When I think of my life in general, one of the ways I define myself is as a person with a weight problem. I’m sure the psychologists would tell me not to do that, but I do. It is something I have struggled with since I was a teenager.

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In 2001 I lost 90 pounds on Weight Watchers (see my "before" picture). I had been on Weight Watchers before and tried to lose my weight but never lost much before I fell off the wagon. This time I expected the same, but thought I would at least be better off if I could lose some of it.

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I’m not sure what was different that last time, but I kept going until I reached my goal. Soon afterward I got on staff at Weight Watchers as a weigher to help keep me accountable.

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I did pretty well at maintaining my weight for a few years, though it was a struggle because I still REALLY liked food. Then I got married and my weight started creeping back up, certainly not to where it was before, but way over my goal. It wasn’t Don’s fault; I think I just got comfortable, plus I had another person to cook for so tended to make heartier meals. Weight Watchers graciously continued to let me work for them, optimistically thinking they could rehabilitate me. I have genuinely tried to get it all back off, but don’t seem to have the resolve that I once had.

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I don’t know what Paul’s "thorn in the flesh" was, but I understand how he felt. I have asked God to help me with my weight. Ideally I would like to get back to goal and never struggle again, but I doubt this is going to happen. God is using this weakness to keep me humble and reliant on Him. Because of this shortcoming, I have compassion for others who have problems they can’t seem to overcome, whether it be weight or something else. It also reminds me regularly that I will never be perfect and I must rely on God for my strength and salvation.

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I can’t say that I am thankful for the problem itself, but I am thankful that God is using it to work in my life. I am thankful that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). I will continue to fight it, and I will continue to rely on God to help me in my weakness.