Abby

I have blogged about my friend Pam, who died 4 years ago, and that recently her oldest daughter Ashley died at age 22.

One thing Pam asked me to do before she died was to keep in touch with her five children. I told her I would try, but I must confess, I haven’t tried very hard. I have made some attempts with her older 3 (who are from a different marriage), but haven’t tried to contact her widowed husband and his 2 kids at all, until I recently found him on Facebook. My not contacting him wasn’t for lack of wanting to; I got engaged right after Pam died and so was planning a wedding and then a newlywed, plus it was kind of awkward for me, a fairly shy person, to call him.

Ashley’s death touched us all and made me realize that I had missed an opportunity that would never come again. A few days later Kerry, Pam’s husband, started developing symptoms that the doctors have tentatively diagnosed as MS. He is still single with an 8-year old and a 9-year old to raise.

This finally prompted me to ask if I could help with the kids. A friend of his saw my message and e-mailed me. In the end we decided we would all meet for breakfast at Cracker Barrel on Saturday morning.

I think Kerry has done a remarkably good job raising the kids, but Abby, his daughter, who is a very active 8-year old, is wearing him out right now, especially in light of his current health problems. I asked Kerry what I could do to help, and he said anytime I wanted to take Abby off his hands for a little while, that would be great.

So I took her for the day on Saturday. And what a day it was. She hasn’t seen me since she was 4 and didn’t remember me at all, but she had no problem warming up to me. Her personality is so much like Pam’s, it was almost eerie. I’m sure if you have ever lost someone close to you, you may have wished that you could just have one more day with them. I almost felt like that was happening.

But Abby isn’t Pam; she is her own self, and we really enjoyed our day together. Don gave her a drum lesson, and we drew pictures (which she is really good at!), made some beaded jewelry, went for a walk in the park, and just hung out. I didn’t push her to talk about her mom too much, but we did talk about her a little, and about Ashley. On Sunday she called me and asked me if she could come over again. I told her not then, but we would do it again soon.

I really hope I can stay involved in Abby’s life (and her brother’s, if he wants me to). I think it would be good for her, for Kerry and for me, and I believe that Pam is in heaven, joyful that we’ve finally gotten together.