A Tribute to Pam

Everyone has things in their life that make a huge impact on them, that help define who they are. Among the greatest ones for me have been the life and death of my friend Pam.
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I met Pam when I was a shy teenager, at church youth group. I wondered why a "cool" kid like her would want to befriend someone ordinary like me, but true friends we did become, and our friendship lived on for as long as she did. She taught me to laugh at myself, to sing, and to be less serious about life and just have fun. She lived much more dangerously than I ever did, but I was able to enjoy the wild side of life vicariously through her.
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I saw her through a marriage and a divorce, then another marriage, producing a total of five children, who I loved right along with her. She spent several years in Germany while she and her husband were in the Army, but we continued to keep in touch. She moved back here after she was divorced, and I was able to spend the last several years of her life with her.
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My life was influenced by her in more ways than I can count.
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She taught me a love for God’s Word. Pam had a hunger for scripture like no one else I have ever met. She treasured it. She soaked it in. She read it and worked through it in her mind, and read it some more. Over time this rubbed off on me, and though I may process it a little differently, I believe I have the same love for it now that she did.
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She wasn’t afraid to be straight with me. When I told her I was dating someone who wasn't a Christian, she yelled at me. I mean, really SCREAMED. It made me mad at the time, but I think it did have a big influence on me ending that relationship. And she was definitely right. I can’t imagine where I would be right now if she hadn’t had the courage to do that.
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I always had a friend. With Pam, I always had someone who would listen, whether the news was good or bad. Don and I got engaged shortly after she died, and one of my first thoughts when we did was that I needed to call her and tell her, because that was what I always did when anything big happened to me. She would have been so happy for me!
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She gave good advice. She wasn’t there when I married Don, which was a sad thing on my heart on my wedding day. However, she had met him and liked him, so I took comfort in knowing I had her seal of approval.
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I understand better now what it means to be sad. After she died, I experienced a new kind of sadness that I had never known before. There was some self-pity in missing her but it was also sadness for a life cut off too early (in my opinion), and for children who would have to grow up without a mother. Since then I haven’t wanted to watch sad movies or read sad books, I think because I don’t want to take the chance that I will ever be that sad again. I can also relate better now to others who are going through sad times, because I know what it’s like.
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She taught me not to be afraid to age, Each year God gives me is a gift. Turning 40 wasn’t nearly as hard for me as turning 30 was, and one of the reasons was that I realized that Pam’s life had ended at 38, but for whatever reason, God has chosen to give me more time, and I am thankful for it.
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But not to be afraid to die. When she realized that death was inevitable, I think she actually began to look forward to it. Her body was failing her, but she knew she would be going to heaven and would be healthy and whole again. The day of her funeral I came home and was looking for some shred of comfort, something to hold onto. She had given me a book a couple of years earlier of scripture verses to read in various situations. I admittedly had not read the whole thing cover to cover, but on this day I picked it up and looked at the page about death. There I saw, for the first time, a note in her handwriting beside what had become one of her favorite verses, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." I wonder if she intended for me to find it at the time that I did. On that day it became a reality to me, that for Christians death is not an end but a beginning.
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One of the things we shared was being only a few days apart in age, and today would be Pam’s 42nd birthday. I doubt I will ever stop thinking of her on this day every year, wanting to call her and sing "happy birthday" to her, but there are no phones where she is now. Nonetheless, I have no doubt that she is having a happy birthday, dancing with the angels, and waiting for all of her family and friends to join her in that glorious place that we can’t yet imagine.
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Happy birthday, Pam.